Photo by juliane Monari

I recorded this episode on one of the few days this week when it was above freezing here on the East Coast, walking through snowy woods with the crunch of snow under my feet. There’s something about being in nature that helps me access clarity, and today I want to share something that’s been crystallizing for me through years of this work: awareness isn’t enough.

You’ve probably heard this before, maybe even from me. You might know it deeply in your bones. But I’m going to say it again because we need to hear things multiple times, in different ways, at different seasons of our lives, for them to truly land.

The Trap of “I Know What I Need to Do”

One thing I hear constantly from mothers is: “I know what I need to do” or “I know what I need to stop doing, but I don’t know how to actually do it.”

You know you need to stop snapping at your kids. You know you need to stop scrolling mindlessly. You know you want to get better sleep, read more, be more present. The awareness is there. The intention is there. So why can’t you just do it?

Here’s the reality that biology, science, data, and my own personal experience have shown me: our conscious mind is only accessible in a very limited capacity—about 5-10% of our experience. Yes, our thoughts are powerful and can influence our bodies, but the truth is that our conscious mind is actually being driven by our unconscious, which is where our body and nervous system live.

For someone like me who loves efficiency, this is actually great news. Working with the body and the nervous system is single-handedly the most effective way we can actually start and stop doing the things we want to start and stop doing.

But here’s the punchline: you can’t do it alone.

What Do You Want to Subscribe To?

In a recent episode, I asked you to consider the flip side of the coin of “what do I want to unsubscribe from?” The flip side is: what do I want to subscribe to?

If you’re unsubscribing from hypervigilance, over-functioning, or a constant sense of urgency, what are you wanting to subscribe to? Maybe it’s a slower pace, trusting the process, relinquishing control with some things.

And when we zoom out and look at setting ourselves up for success in this whole process, the number one piece isn’t just understanding your biology or working with your nervous system—though that’s huge. The number one piece is support.

It’s unsubscribing from the belief that you can or should do any of this alone, especially as a mother.

A Weird, Wonderful Vision

This is where things get a little unconventional, but stay with me. This morning, as I was preparing to announce the reopening of Mothering Ourselves Mindfully, I did something I’ve been doing for the past couple of years: I connected to the soul of my work through meditation.

When I do these meditations, my body speaks to me in full movies and visions. I know it sounds strange, but I’ve learned it’s actually powerful—and unique to how my body communicates with me.

In this morning’s meditation, I started by flying alone through the air like a bird, weathering rain and snow and sun. My logical brain recognized the metaphor immediately: you can’t change the weather, but you can learn to adapt and relate to it. We’re not trying to change our kids or circumstances; we’re changing ourselves in relationship to them.

But here’s where it got interesting. Midway through the meditation, I noticed I was cold. I got a blanket, tended to that need, and my whole body filled with warmth and light. My nervous system shifted into an even more expansive and grounded place.

Then, when I reconnected to the soul of my work, I instantly dropped into a circle with women. We were bathed in light, stoking our inner fires, connecting to each other, protected from the elements.

The contrast was striking: the first part showed me weathering the storm alone. The second part showed what Mothering Ourselves Mindfully really is—coming together as a group of women to do the tending work, the inner work, the healing and grounding. Holding ourselves in accountability and safe space so that we can then go out and weather the storms of our lives.

The only way I could fly through all sorts of weather without getting knocked down was because I first sat in that circle and became the light.

We Need More Unicorns

Over the past six years of doing this work with hundreds of women, one thing has become glaringly clear: we do not have many models of emotionally attuned, grounded, regulated adults in our lives. Not often in our mothers, and often not in our partners.

When I ask women to tune into who’s the most present and compassionate person in their life, they often say it’s their therapist or an author like Brené Brown—someone they don’t know personally, who isn’t intimately connected to them or in their families.

So here’s my direct invitation: we get to be the unicorns. Actually, I’m going to be even more direct—we have to be, because no one else is stepping up.

If you want to raise a steady, resilient, emotionally attuned kid, you have to go first. You can’t give out what you can’t give in. You can only be as compassionate to someone else, can only love someone else, as much as you are compassionate and love yourself. (I wrote a 30-page grad school thesis proving this—happy to send it to you!)

The Time Is Now

This is why I’m so passionate about reopening Mothering Ourselves Mindfully, our signature program where The School of Mom started in 2020. It’s different now in so many ways because I am so different. My understanding has deepened, my personal embodiment of this work has landed in ways I can’t fully explain.

And here’s something important: every time we teach or learn this material, we’re different people. We’re literally shifting and changing with every breath. The season and stage of life we’re in is different. Our capacity to receive and integrate is different. That’s why repetition isn’t redundant—it’s essential. We learn through repetition and emotional intensity, and that changes day to day.

We don’t have a lot of time on this earth to make real impact. We don’t have time to say “I don’t have time for that.” We don’t have time to put it off.

Now is the time. And the doors are open.

If you desire to be a mindful human, to break cycles in your family, to slow down and relinquish control, to drop the resentment—you need support. You need to walk with women.

Come be the unicorn your lineage needs. Mothering Ourselves Mindfully kicks off the week of February 23rd. Learn more HERE.