Photo by Ruslan Sikunov

Two Sides of the Same Coin: Understanding What You’re Ready to Release

When I ask mothers what they’re ready to unsubscribe from—what patterns, obligations, or beliefs they want to release—I often get one of two responses. Either they immediately know (“the resentment toward my partner” or “the constant overwhelm”), or they draw a complete blank, feeling stuck and frustrated that they can’t access the answer.

But here’s what I’ve learned: there are multiple ways into this inquiry of what we’re ready to release. And sometimes, the most powerful question isn’t about what we want to let go of at all—it’s about what we want to move toward.

The Power of Flip-Side Questions

Think about it this way: when we say no to something, we’re always saying yes to something else. This is one of the most grounding questions you can ask yourself when setting boundaries.

If you’re saying no to volunteering for that parents’ night out, you’re saying yes to spending the evening with your kids and getting a good night’s sleep. If you’re saying no to being home for dinner and bedtime tomorrow, you’re saying yes to much-needed self-care, nourishment, and alone time.

We’re always on two sides of the same coin, navigating what we’re saying yes to and what we’re saying no to.

So when you’re reflecting on “what am I ready to unsubscribe from?” you might instead ask yourself: “When I am released from that, what do I desire?”

You Don’t Always Need to Fill the Space

Before we go further, I want to offer a strong disclaimer: you don’t always need something to fill the space. We don’t need to have a set plan for what we’ll do when we release something.

I want to give you full permission to say, “I don’t actually know. I just want to release this thing and trust that what is meant to move into that space will move into it.”

The question about what you desire is important because sometimes certain questions are more accessible than others—and that accessibility tells us something profound about our nervous system.

Why Some Questions Feel More Accessible Than Others

This insight came from one of our community members recently. She shared that when I asked “what are you ready to unsubscribe from?” she really struggled. But when I flipped the question to “what do you desire? What do you want to subscribe to? What do you want more of in your life?” she immediately got a hit: “I want more of THIS feeling, these moments.”

This reminded me of when the Marie Kondo craze swept through. I really struggled with her signature question: “What brings me joy?” Looking at my closet, I’d think, “I don’t know, it’s all kind of fine.”

But a different question gave me an instant hit in my body—a knowing. That question was: “What will I be sad about if I don’t have it? If I lose this shirt, or my kid spills something on it, will I be upset?” Very quickly I could answer: “Yeah, I’d be so bummed” versus “I actually couldn’t care less.”

That was a better way into intuitive hits in my body than “what brings me joy?”

What Your Accessible Question Reveals About Your Nervous System

Here’s the bigger conversation: the question that’s most accessible to you reveals something about your nervous system capacity and the feelings you can currently access.

At the time I was doing that closet purge, I really struggled with the feeling of joy. It’s not that I didn’t have joy in my life, but the more easily accessible feeling was disappointment. That’s just where I was at the time.

When I reflected this back to the community member who could easily access “what do I desire?” I told her that’s actually a really cool reflection of where she is. It speaks to the nervous system capacity she has to be in the thing she wants more of. She has direct access to a feeling state of something good, juicy, light, and playful.

But for many mothers I talk to, when I ask “When was the last time you felt rested? When was the last time you felt lit up? Grounded? Aligned?” there are often tears in their eyes. They’re frustrated, feeling shame, saying: “I actually don’t know, Sarah. I can’t tap into that feeling. I have no access. Did I ever? Was I ever happy?”

You Are Not Alone

If you’re experiencing this disconnection from positive feeling states, you are not alone. This is important information, and I want to name it clearly.

We want to create space and support you in feeling those emotions and frequencies—joyfulness, playfulness, lightness. We want you to have the capacity to feel those in your body. But right now, what might be the way in for you is simply: “I just know I don’t want this.”

“I don’t want to feel riddled with shame anymore. I’m so tired of resenting my partner. It is time to let that go.”

Maybe when you tune into “I’d like to unsubscribe from resentment,” you can explore the other side: “I would like more acceptance of my partner.” You can play around with both sides of the coin.

How Your Body Speaks

When I talk about these intuitive “hits” and what access you have to answers, remember: the language of your body speaks in many different ways.

Some people get a feeling. Others have a memory pop up, or an image appears. There might be a word that comes through. The ways we can be communicated to by our bodies are vast and nuanced.

The thinking part of you speaks in words and thoughts. But the body speaks in visions, sensations, colors, even songs. It speaks in so many different ways, and sometimes its language is elusive. We need to spend time with our bodies to tune into that language and understand it.

Practice: Creating Space to Listen

Try asking yourself these questions in different settings:

• In your bed when you wake up or before you go to sleep, when it’s quiet
• In your car during pickup
• In the shower
• While meditating or tuning in
• While drinking your coffee in the morning

Just ask yourself: “What do I want to unsubscribe from? What do I desire more of? What do I like right now? What do I wish for?”

Both questions are important. And I would love to support you in getting to a place where you can tap into “what do you desire?”

If that question feels blocked for you right now, you’re not alone and it makes complete sense. Start where you are. Meet yourself where you’re at.

The Connection Between Release and Desire

What you are unsubscribing from is deeply connected to what you are subscribing to. But remember the disclaimer: you don’t need to have this all figured out.

Let’s trust the process, the layers of this unfolding. Whether you come in through “what do I want to release?” or “what do I desire?”—both paths are valid. Both are necessary. And both will guide you toward the same place: a life that feels more aligned with who you’re becoming.

Join Us for Unsubscribe

If you’re feeling called to explore these questions in community, with embodied practices and live support, join us for our Unsubscribe event on January 28th, 2026 at 7:15 PM EST. This is a powerful opportunity to clarify what you’re ready to release and what you’re ready to claim as we move deeper into this year of the snake—this year of shedding and creating space.

Register at theschoolofmom.com/unsubscribe

And if you’re reading this after the event, check back because we’ll be announcing something very exciting at the close of Unsubscribe. Stay tuned.