Originally published as Episode 41 of The School of Mom podcast

I’m recording this while walking, which might seem counterproductive given everything on my plate this week. There’s a funeral to attend, a birthday party to host for my husband, our radical flourishing retreat to prepare for, and my book coaching session starting in just an hour. We even got a new car yesterday, which unexpectedly stirred up emotions I wasn’t prepared for as my kids grieved the loss of the vehicle that had been with us since our first child.

With all of this swirling around me, there’s a voice in my head saying I “should” be home tackling my endless to-do list. But here’s what I’ve learned: when things are at their most chaotic, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

The Trap We All Fall Into

We’ve all been programmed to believe that productivity equals worth. That taking time for ourselves is something we earn only after we’ve completed everything else on our list. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: no one is coming to save us from our overscheduled lives.

No magical fairy is going to reorganize your Google calendar to create breathing room. No one is going to hand you permission to prioritize your own needs. I’ve heard mothers joke about wishing for a hospital stay just to get a break, and while we laugh, it reveals something deeply concerning about how we’ve structured our lives.

The Science Behind Self-Care During Chaos

When I sit at my computer feeling flat and overwhelmed, trying to force productivity, nothing good happens. But when I interrupt that pattern—when I step outside, see the trees, hear the birds, make eye contact with fellow walkers—the shift in my body and nervous system is immediate and powerful.

This isn’t just feel-good advice; it’s backed by science. Our brains need breaks to function optimally. Movement changes our neurochemistry. Exposure to fresh air and nature reduces cortisol levels and improves cognitive function.

Yet we resist this medicine when we need it most.

Breaking the “When” Cycle

How many times have you told yourself you’ll prioritize self-care “when”:

• The kids finish school
• This busy season at work ends
• Your partner picks up more slack
• You find more time

This is exactly the trap that keeps us stuck. The work isn’t learning to make time for yourself when you have time—it’s making time for yourself when you have no time.

Simple Acts, Profound Impact

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate spa days or hour-long yoga sessions. Some of the most powerful interventions are surprisingly simple:

• Three arm circles (yes, really—I teach this in corporate workshops and it never fails to surprise people or myself)
• A five-minute walk around the block
• Lying down for a brief yoga nidra
• Calling a friend
• Sitting under a tree
• Playing one favorite song and dancing

We often chronically underestimate the impact of these small moments.

The New Programming We Need

Here’s the rewiring I’m inviting you into: When your schedule is jam-packed and you’re feeling overwhelmed, let that be your alarm bell. Instead of pushing harder, that’s your cue to pause and ask, “What does my body need right now?”

Think of it like the meditation principle I love: “Meditate for 15 minutes a day, unless you’re super busy—then meditate for an hour.”

This isn’t about adding more to your plate. It’s about recognizing that taking care of yourself IS the most productive thing you can do when you’re in overwhelm.

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

I’m here to make mothers uncomfortable with the reality of constantly putting themselves last. Because if we’re not uncomfortable enough with our current patterns, we won’t take action to change them.

Get angry. Get frustrated. Feel that resentment. Then channel those emotions into action—not into staying stuck in the same cycles that created them in the first place.

Your Invitation to Act

If I could stop you on a trail today and make eye contact with you, here’s what I’d want you to know: You are worthy of taking time for yourself. It’s not selfish—it’s the most important thing you can do.

Your amazing body is asking to be honored. Those needs you keep pushing aside? They’re ready to be witnessed and cared for.

So what will you do for yourself today? Not tomorrow, not when things slow down, but today. What’s one small thing you can do to swim upstream against the narrative that everyone else’s needs come before yours?

The Bottom Line

This episode was born from being in the thick of it—feeling the buzziness in my chest, hearing the “shoulds” in my head, and choosing to do what felt urgent for my wellbeing instead of what felt urgent for my productivity.

That walk didn’t just give me content for this episode. It reminded me why this work matters so deeply. When we model this behavior—when we show our children and our communities that self-care isn’t earned but essential—we begin to shift the collective programming that keeps us all trapped.

The most radical thing you can do today is take care of yourself exactly when you feel like you don’t have time for it. Because that’s when you need it most.