Why Women Struggle to Invest in Themselves

As mothers, we often find ourselves at the bottom of our own priority list. While we readily invest in our children’s activities, new clothes, or the latest household gadgets (the skylight is worth it!), when it comes to investing in our own growth and well-being, something holds us back. But what exactly is that “something”?

After completing a silent meditation retreat at the Insight Meditation Society, I was reflecting on the relationship women and mothers have with self-investment. This reflection was inspired by a discussion about “dana” (generosity), which sparked a deeper contemplation about how we value – or often undervalue – investing in ourselves.

The Mother Wound and Money Wound Connection

What I’ve discovered through both personal experience and working with hundreds of women is that our hesitation to invest in ourselves often stems from what I call the “mother wound” and its close companion, the “money wound.” These are the unconscious beliefs and patterns passed down through generations of women, influenced by both family dynamics and societal programming.

Think about the women in your life – your mother, grandmother, aunts. Did they confidently invest in their personal growth, mental health, or well-being? Or did they, like many women, place themselves last, viewing self-investment as selfish or unnecessary?

Breaking Down the Barriers

The most common objections I hear when women consider investing in themselves are time and money. But when we dig deeper, these surface-level concerns often mask deeper beliefs about our worthiness and value. We might find ourselves thinking:

“I should only invest in things with visible results”

“I can’t justify spending money on myself”

“This feels selfish or extravagant”

“I’ll do it when I have more time/money/energy”

These thoughts aren’t random – they’re often deeply ingrained beliefs passed down through generations.

The True Value of Self-Investment

What’s fascinating about inner work is that while its results might not be as immediately visible as a new workout routine or wardrobe update, its impact can be profound and far-reaching. In my own journey, I’ve witnessed transformations that no amount of external investment could achieve:

• A significant decrease in my resting heart rate
• A completely transformed relationship with my body
• Reduced reactivity with my children and partner
• Healing of a 20-year relationship with chronic pain

These changes aren’t just personal victories – they create ripple effects that impact our children, partnerships, and future generations.

Creating New Patterns

Breaking free from these limiting beliefs requires us to examine our relationship with self-investment as a mindfulness practice. When we encounter resistance to investing in ourselves, we can pause and ask:

• Is this resistance serving my highest good?
• What beliefs am I holding about my worthiness?
• What example do I want to set for my children?
• How might this investment support not just me, but my whole family?

The Path Forward

The journey to valuing self-investment isn’t always straightforward. It often requires us to push past discomfort and challenge long-held beliefs. But here’s what I know to be true: the level of our wellness and thriving is directly correlated to our willingness to invest in ourselves.

This isn’t about buying more things or adding more to your to-do list. It’s about recognizing that investing in your inner work, personal growth, and well-being isn’t selfish – it’s essential. When we heal our relationship with self-investment, we don’t just transform our own lives; we create new possibilities for generations to come.

The next time you find yourself hesitating to invest in your growth or well-being, remember: you’re not just investing in yourself; you’re investing in breaking generational patterns and creating new possibilities for yourself and your family. You’re worth that investment.