Photo by Demetra Ioannidou

Ruthless Prioritization for Moms: How to Feel Present This Holiday Season

Last week, a friend and I were both having one of those days. Too many things were pulling at us, and all the could’ves, should’ves, and would’ves were stacking up. We looked at each other and agreed that the most important thing either of us could do right then was go for a walk.

So we did. On that walk, we talked about something I think every mother needs heading into the holidays: ruthless prioritization.

Why Ruthless Prioritization Is Foundational for Moms

Prioritizing matters for any mom. It matters even more for the mom who wants to live in alignment with how she wants to be.

If you want to be present, feel good, and have the capacity to respond instead of react, in your relationships, your work, and your life, ruthless prioritization isn’t optional. It’s foundational.

But before we can prioritize anything, we have to know what our priorities actually are.

Start With One Question: What Is the Point?

One of my favorite questions is simply, what is the point?

What is the point of this holiday season? What is the point of you being a mom this holiday season, with your kids at the ages they are now and your family where it is right now? Maybe you have aging parents. Maybe something else is going on that makes this year different.

Before the season sweeps you up, pause and zoom out. Ask yourself:

• What is most important to me this holiday season?
• What do I value?
• How does that shape what my priorities are, and what they need to be?

Once you’re clear on that, it’s time to get ruthless.

What Ruthless Prioritization Actually Looks Like

Say one of your priorities is not losing your mind this holiday season. You don’t want to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and constantly behind on a million things. You want to enjoy your kids. You want some magic, but not at the cost of your sanity.

Ruthless prioritization can look like:

• Getting clear on what’s yours and what’s someone else’s. Not everything on the list belongs to you.
• Delegating. Let other people carry some of the load.
• Saying no, or “not this year.” Some traditions and expectations aren’t in line with what’s best for you and your family right now, and that’s okay.

Prioritize How You Want to Feel

In my work supporting mothers, I always come back to this: what are your priorities for how you want to feel?

For me, I want to feel present and enjoy the holidays, especially Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and our family vacation week. That’s a priority. What it takes in practice is getting outside for a walk every day (except maybe Christmas Day itself, because let’s be real).

It means ruthlessly prioritizing the promises and habits that help me show up the way I want to and live in line with the values that matter to me.

When Your Priorities Clash With Everyone Else’s

Here’s the hard part. Ruthless prioritization will bring up clashes with other people’s priorities: your partner, your mother-in-law, your kids.

Here’s an example from my own week. My daughter has a new bed, and I’d been tasked with putting together a few of the drawers. We had an hour before a family event, and my husband asked if I was going to work on them.

I told him I was going to do a 30-minute strength workout instead.

He wasn’t thrilled. In his mind, the priority was getting through the to-do list. But I knew that if I kept cranking through the list without including my own wellbeing in my priorities, I’d lose access to being present and enjoying our day. I wouldn’t get the benefits that come when I follow through on what I’ve promised myself.

And here’s the truth: no one is coming to save you. I guarantee your kids won’t remind you about the workout you said mattered to you. That’s your job, and it’s a lot easier with support.

Why Support Is Non-Negotiable

In our community, support is non-negotiable. We sign up for it ahead of time because we know we’ll never regret it.

Getting support can be stressful in itself, though. You have to find the right person, fit in the calls, and reschedule when life happens. By the time your session comes around, the moment you really needed help with has passed, and so has the chance to rewire the pattern while it was happening.

That’s why I love asynchronous coaching, both as a provider and as a client. You get support in the middle of your actual life, right when you need it.

Changing the Baton You Pass Down

There’s a bigger picture here, too. When you prioritize yourself, you change the baton you hand down to your kids.

Many of the women I work with grew up with a martyr mom, one who was overwhelmed and stressed, especially during the holidays. So I’ll leave you with a reflection:

What was modeled for you around the holidays by your mom? And what is society modeling for you now?

I’m so tired of the story that the holidays have to be crazy, overwhelming, and busy, with moms bitterly playing magic maker. We can choose differently, and we can do it together.

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Get Support This Holiday Season

If you’re ready to stop putting off the support you need, I’m offering something brand-new: a five-week holiday coaching experience with unlimited voice and text messaging on Voxer. I’ll show up in our thread at least once every weekday to give you real-time support, a loving, compassionate reminder of what you’ve decided matters to you.

We won’t overhaul your whole holiday. That’s not realistic, and it might not be what you want. What we will do is shift how you feel and show up in the season you’re already in, and plant seeds for next year too.

We start November 16th, and there are only a handful of spots. Learn more and join here.

This coaching is not crisis support or a replacement for therapy. It’s for the mom who wants extra support alongside therapy, or after it, and is ready to stop repeating patterns she doesn’t want to keep repeating.

🎙️ Have a question or reflection? Send me a voice note on SpeakPipe. I’d love to hear from you.