Photo by Daria Obymaha

A few years ago, if you had handed me a marketing statement that said “we teach you to be a better mom,” I would have rejected it immediately.

As a licensed mental health counselor working closely with mothers struggling in motherhood, I was hyperaware of the crushing weight of “not enoughness” that so many moms carry. The idea of implying a mother needed to be better felt dangerous — like pouring gasoline on a fire that was already burning too hot.

So I pushed back. Hard.

But here’s the thing about doing your own work: it changes you. And five or six years later, standing in the middle of a snowy Vermont winter recording a podcast episode, I found myself thinking: I’ve completely changed my mind.

Why I Was Over-Protecting Moms (And Myself)

When I first launched the School of Mom back in 2020, I was still very much in the clinical trenches. I saw the devastation of shame up close — the way it shuts moms down, makes them smaller, keeps them stuck. And so I wrapped my work in layers of protective language. No judgment. No pressure. No implications that anyone needed to be anything other than what they already were.

What I didn’t realize was that in doing so, I was also swinging the pendulum too far. I was conflating shame-based striving with growth-fueled becoming — and treating them as the same thing. They’re not.

The mom I was protecting back then? I was also unknowingly keeping her stuck.

The Woman I’m Speaking to Now

The mom I work with today is self-aware. She’s high-functioning. She’s probably read all the books, maybe leads a team at work, is definitely the one her friends turn to for advice. She’s not fragile. She doesn’t need to be protected from the idea that she could grow.

She’s activated by it.

When she hears “I want to help you be a better mom,” something in her doesn’t collapse — it lights up. Not because she believes something is wrong with her, but because she’s ready. She’s available. She’s done with the part of herself that’s running on autopilot, reacting instead of responding, surviving instead of thriving.

She wants more — not from a place of deficit, but from a place of desire.

What “Better” Actually Means

Let me be really clear about what better does not mean in my world. It doesn’t mean having the perfect script when your kid is melting down. It doesn’t mean more productivity, more patience, or some idealized version of motherhood you saw on Instagram.

Better, in the School of Mom sense, means:

Feeling more steady inside yourself. Leading your family from a grounded nervous system instead of being hijacked by it. Integrating all parts of yourself — including the parts that are messy, reactive, and still healing — rather than fighting them. Being so much more loving and accepting of where you actually are right now.

The beautiful irony? Wanting to be a better mom, when it comes from a healthy place, actually means you’ve stopped believing you need to be better. You’ve integrated the part of you that felt like it was never enough.

That’s not contradiction. That’s growth.

The Conversation I Had With My Girls

After a night when my husband was out and I had solo time with each of my daughters, I asked them something I’d never quite asked that way before: “How could I be a better mom for you?”

The way you ask that question matters enormously. It can come from a heavy, desperate place — I’m not enough, tell me what I’m doing wrong. Or it can come from a grounded, open place — I know I’m a great mom, and I’m curious what would feel even better for you.

It was the latter. And the conversation that followed — my oldest asking me to cheer a little less loudly at her games (fair), my youngest sitting quietly with an open door — felt like connection rather than confession.

There was no urgency. No shame spiral. Just an honest, loving exchange between a mom who knows she’s doing well and still wants to grow.

You Can Grow Without Being Broken

Here’s the thing shame doesn’t want you to know: you’re allowed to want more for yourself without it meaning something is wrong with you right now.

You don’t have to be suffering to want to grow. You don’t have to be failing to want to flourish. The goal of mothering ourselves mindfully — really, the whole point of the School of Mom — is to help you access more of what’s already in you: more steadiness, more presence, more compassion, more alignment with your values.

That’s not fixing you. That’s freeing you.

So if you hear “I want to be a better mom” and something in you goes yes, actually, me too — that’s not a red flag. That’s a green light.

You’re not broken. You’re ready.

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If this episode stirred something in you, I’d love to hear about it. Send me a voice note right here or share this with a mom friend you can go deep with. These are exactly the conversations the School of Mom is built for.