Let me guess: You’ve tried to establish a morning routine more times than you can count. You’ve set your alarm for 5 AM, committed to journaling, meditation, or yoga before the kids wake up. And yet, somehow, it never quite sticks. The guilt creeps in. The resistance builds. And you wonder what’s wrong with you.
Here’s the truth: Nothing is wrong with you. The problem isn’t you – it’s the entire concept of a rigid morning routine.
The Morning Routine Trap for Moms
When I say the words “morning routine,” what happens in your body? For most mothers I work with, there’s an immediate tension. Maybe even a little rage.
That’s because “morning routine” has become incredibly loaded for moms. We’ve all read the articles about successful CEOs and their 5 AM rituals. We’ve had well-meaning providers (usually not parents themselves) suggest we establish a consistent morning practice. And while part of us knows that morning time for ourselves would be beneficial, the reality of making it happen almost feels laughable.
Kids are unpredictable. Our sleep is unpredictable, especially in those early years of motherhood. We don’t know what we’re going to get each morning – a peaceful wake-up or a 3 AM visitor who derails everything. Having a consistent morning routine depends on our children not messing it up, or having a partner who actively protects that time for us.
And let’s be honest: for many of us, asking our partner to take on morning duty feels impossible. Maybe they leave for work earlier than you. Maybe they’re not supportive of it. Maybe you’ve internalized the belief that you should just be able to “do it later.”
The Real Problem: We’re Fighting Our Own Nature
Here’s what I’ve come to learn after working with hundreds of mothers: Every morning looking the same isn’t just unrealistic – it’s actually not in line with how female bodies work.
We are cyclical beings. If you’re in a cycling body, you have a roughly 28-day hormonal cycle. But even if you’re not, we’re all deeply connected to natural cycles – the moon (also about 28 days), and the four seasons.
A morning routine that worked beautifully in summer or fall feels completely different when you’re trying to get up in the dark winter months. Your body in the follicular phase has different energy than in the luteal phase. The stage of motherhood you’re in – whether dealing with a toddler’s sleep regression or older kids – dramatically affects what’s actually possible.
Forcing the same routine every single day ignores these fundamental rhythms. And that creates resistance, guilt, and the exhausting cycle of trying and failing over and over again.
Enter: The Cyclical Start
Instead of a morning routine, I invite you to embrace what I call a “cyclical start.”
The cyclical start honors the fact that how you begin your day may not be – and doesn’t need to be – the same every week or even every day. It acknowledges that you’re a cyclical being, affected by your hormones, the seasons, the moon, and your current stage of motherhood and life.
Here’s what this looks like in practice:
Honor Your Body’s Signals Maybe one morning you wake up at 5 AM naturally, full of energy, ready to journal or meditate. Beautiful. And maybe the next morning, your body is screaming for rest, and you sleep until 7. Also beautiful. Neither is better or worse – they’re just different expressions of what your body needs.
Consider the Season Your winter morning practice doesn’t need to look like your summer one. When it’s dark and cold, your body might genuinely need more rest. When days are longer and warmer, you might naturally wake earlier. Stop fighting this reality.
Acknowledge Your Stage If your toddler is going through a sleep situation, waking up early might feel impossible – and that’s okay. Things will change. Your kids will get older. The sleep windows will shift. That morning routine you once had might come back with less friction later.
My Personal Journey: Letting Go of the Alarm
For years, I had rigid prescriptions around my body and exercise. I had rules about what I must do and couldn’t do. Learning to listen to my body has been a journey of softening and releasing that rigidity.
One of the most freeing moments was when I decided to let my body choose whether to get up early or not. I stopped setting an alarm (caveat: I’m someone who naturally wakes on time, so adjust this to your reality).
The result? Some weeks, I wake up at 5 or 5:15 for days in a row. My body is saying, “I have the energy, I’m interested in this.” Other weeks, many days in a row, I wake up at 6:55 or even after 7. And I think, “Wow, my body really needed that.”
I’m letting the cyclical nature of my sleep and wake guide whether I have a morning practice. My routine is simply letting my body decide.
What About Discipline?
I can hear the objection: “But if I do this, I’ll just sleep in every time!”
Okay, so what if you did? What if you gave yourself radical permission to just sleep in and skip the thing you’ve been forcing yourself to do? What if, two or three months into this radical permission, your body starts waking up on its own because it finally got what it needed?
When you stop forcing and start listening, you begin to feel your natural rhythms. And when you feel those natural rhythms, you become more connected to your body and what it needs on any given day.
The Bikram Wake-Up Call
This reminds me of my yoga journey. I started with Bikram – a million degrees, the exact same 26 postures twice, 90 minutes, super rigid. It felt safe to me, like the structure I needed coming out of collegiate sports.
But I’ll never forget getting reprimanded for drinking water before a certain pose, and then for leaving early when I had plans. That was my wake-up call. My body was saying, “This isn’t working for me anymore,” but I kept forcing it.
Where is your body saying the same thing? Where is a routine you once loved now draining you instead of energizing you? Where are you adding resentment by forcing something that no longer fits?
The Cyclical Celebrator
In the School of Mom, we call this awakening the cyclical celebrator – tapping into your body’s wisdom, your nervous system, the natural world around you, and trusting the process.
Think about nature. Leaves fall on their own time. We don’t berate a leaf for not falling yet. And yet we get mad at our bodies for not moving or performing the way we think they should.
Your Invitation
This week, I invite you to try a cyclical start. Notice what your body actually wants and needs each morning. Give yourself permission for it to look different day to day. Release the guilt around not having the “perfect” morning routine.
Your body knows what it needs. It’s time to listen.
Ready to dive deeper into cyclical living and mothering yourself mindfully? Join us in the School of Mom community where we explore these practices together.
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