Photo by Ylanite Koppens

During a particularly challenging Peloton ride this morning, instructor Robin Arzon shared something that I try to shout from the rooftops here in The School of MOM. She said that the three most powerful words in the English language are:

“I love myself.”

While I couldn’t agree more, if you’re like most of the mothers I work with in the School of Mom, those words probably don’t roll off your tongue easily. In fact, they might feel uncomfortable, foreign, or even selfish. But here’s what I’ve discovered: until we can genuinely and congruently say “I love myself,” we’ll remain stuck in patterns of self-criticism, overwhelm, and survival-mode parenting and living.

The Gap Between Words and Embodiment

There’s a massive difference between saying “I love myself” and actually feeling those words in your body. Most of us can recite the words, but when we really examine our inner landscape, we find the opposite: harsh self-criticism, relentless judgment, and a voice that tells us we’re not doing enough, being enough, or worthy of love.

During a recent community call, I witnessed this firsthand. One of our members was struggling with life transitions and was overwhelmed. When the other women on the call offered her genuine compassion and love, she noticed it was hard to receive it and to give the same warmth to herself. Her protective parts immediately popped up with messages like “you can’t be that kind to yourself” and “this feels too uncomfortable.”

This is the work we need to do as mothers. We need to understand the parts of ourselves that resist self-love and learn to mother them with curiosity and compassion.

Your Energy Speaks Before You Do

Robin shared another powerful insight: “Be the woman whose energy speaks before she enters the room.” This resonated with me because our energy is always communicating, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

Research shows that 55% of our communication is body language, with tone making 38%, leaving words as the smallest component (only 7%!) of how we connect with others. This means your body is constantly broadcasting messages about your internal state.

Think about someone in your life whose energy you can feel immediately. Maybe it’s anxiety that makes your heart rate spike, or negativity that causes your shoulders to drop. This is limbic resonance in action – our brains literally catching each other’s emotional states.

The question becomes: what is your body unconsciously communicating when you walk into a room with your children, colleagues, or community?

I think of Thich Nhat Hanh, the beloved meditation teacher who once stood silently on stage in Boston’s Copley Square. Without saying a word, he communicated with such a compassionate presence that he brought down the heart rates of thousands of people. He didn’t need words because his body was speaking the language of peace.

You’re Programmed for Flourishing

Here’s something that might surprise you: you’re actually programmed for both survival and flourishing. The problem is that most of us have strengthened our survival programming to the point where it runs automatically, while our flourishing programming remains underdeveloped.

Think of it like paths in the woods. The route that gets traveled most becomes the most pronounced and easiest to follow. In our biology, what we practice, we get good at. If you’re constantly in survival mode – rushing, worrying, criticizing yourself – those neural pathways become your default.

But here’s the beautiful truth: you already have the programming for thriving, presence, and self-love built into your DNA. It’s not about creating something new; it’s about awakening what’s already there. This is exactly what we do in the School of Mom – we help you tap into the programming that’s been waiting for your attention.

The Story You’re Writing Right Now

Perhaps the most provoking question Robin posed in class was: “What story are they going to tell about you?”

This got personal for me as I immediately thought of my relationship with my own mother. The story I tell about her is one of heartbreak, struggle, and mental illness. She remains forever the victim in her own narrative, and that has become her legacy. Unfortunately, she is unable to reclaim/claim her narrative.

But here’s what I want you to understand: you get to write your story. Right now. Every day.

My children are seven and nine, currently more concerned with whether I’ve packed extra snacks than crafting narratives about our relationship. But someday, when their prefrontal cortexes are fully developed, they’ll have stories to tell about me. And you better believe I’m actively writing those stories through my daily choices.

I want my children to tell a story of a mother who rewrote generational programming around self-doubt and worthiness. I want them to learn from a woman who unapologetically prioritized her self-care because she understood that her impact was a direct reflection of how she spent time with herself.

Taking Up Space Unapologetically

We’re done apologizing for taking up space. We’re done playing small. This programming runs deep in so many of us – we shrink when we enter rooms, we apologize for our needs, we make ourselves smaller to make others comfortable.

But what if instead, you walked into every space embodying “I love myself”? What if your energy communicated presence, confidence, and self-worth before you even spoke?

A friend once told me that if I were a yoga pose, I’d be Savasana – that I communicate and invite surrendering, presence, and relaxation. It was the biggest compliment because that’s exactly the legacy I want to leave. I want to be a Savasana for people, communicating the possibility of peace and self-acceptance through my very presence.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Love

When you truly embody “I love myself,” you create ripples that extend far beyond your immediate family. The barista at the coffee shop feels it. Your colleagues sense it. Your community benefits from your grounded presence.

This isn’t just about you – though you deserve love and care simply because you exist. This is about the generations of people you’ll influence by choosing to step into your programming for flourishing instead of defaulting to survival mode.

Your Next Steps

Start by noticing your relationship with those three powerful words: “I love myself.” What comes up when you say them? What parts of you resist? Get curious about the protective mechanisms that keep you from genuine self-love.

Pay attention to the energy you bring into rooms. What is your body communicating? How can you begin to embody the presence you want to be known for?

Most importantly, remember that you’re already programmed for flourishing. You just need to give that programming the same attention and practice you’ve been giving your survival patterns.

The story your children will tell about you is being written right now. Make it a good one.