If you’re a mom struggling with anxiety, shame, or those moments when you find yourself yelling or feeling defensive, I need you to hear this: You are not the problem. Your programming is.

This isn’t just a feel-good platitude—it’s a fundamental truth that can revolutionize how you see yourself and your struggles as a mother.

The Weight of Unconscious Programming

Here’s what most of us don’t realize: 90 to 95% of our existence is being driven by our unconscious mind. That programming lives deep in our nervous system, woven through our lineage, and shaped by the conditioning of our society and culture—especially the systems that mold certain beliefs for women and mothers.

When you find yourself caught in patterns of anxiety, when shame spirals feel inevitable, when you react in ways that later make you cringe—that’s not a character flaw. That’s programming running the show.

Your programming runs so deep it feels like it’s just “who you are.” But here’s the liberating truth: you are worthy just as you are, and your presence is your worth. The fact that you don’t always believe this? That’s programming too.

The Responsibility-Fault Distinction

Now, before you think this is about letting yourself off the hook entirely, let me be clear: while your patterns aren’t your fault, it is your responsibility to wake up to your own programming and begin rewiring more conscious, intentional, and healthy patterns for yourself and your future lineage.

I offer this not as a burden, but as an invitation. Come with me. We get to do this together.

If hearing about this responsibility feels overwhelming or defeating, that’s information too. That reaction is a reflection of your current programming and the state your nervous system is in right now. It’s not another thing to judge yourself for—it’s simply data about where you’re starting from.

The Radical Act of Pausing

So how do we begin to change programming that runs so deep? We start with something that sounds almost too simple: we pause.

This is why I am so passionate about the Radical MOM Pause Toolkit – our new free resource. Because in our doing-obsessed, productivity-driven culture, taking a moment to simply be present with yourself is genuinely radical.

Our nervous systems resist this. Most of us are wired to want to stay in the buzz, keep doing, because that’s what feels familiar and “productive.” Pausing feels unsexy. It doesn’t provide the immediate hit of accomplishment that checking things off our to-do list gives us.

But here’s the thing: we cannot change what we’re not aware of.

To see our programming clearly and invite in a new way of relating to ourselves—one rooted in compassion, acceptance, kindness, and curious attention—we need to pause. We need that metaphorical cold glass of water or brisk wind in the face that invites us to wake up to the present moment.

Making the Unconscious Conscious

When we pause, we’re essentially asking ourselves: What’s happening right now? What thoughts am I having? What am I feeling? What state is my nervous system in?

You’re having 30,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day. Most of them are unconscious. The radical act is bringing intentional attention to what’s actually happening in this moment, making the unconscious conscious.

This awareness is the catalyst for everything that follows. Without it, we remain on the hamster wheel of our programming, reacting from patterns we didn’t even know we had.

The Challenge of Swimming Upstream

Here’s what makes this work particularly challenging: you’re swimming upstream from what society celebrates. We live in a culture that values the visible, the doing, the more-more-more. Taking time to pause and tune into your body goes against everything we’ve been conditioned to prioritize.

This is why community matters so much. We need to link arms with other people who are committed to this intentional pausing practice. Our programming runs so deep that it will override our best intentions if we try to do this alone.

Whether it’s joining a live call in the middle of your busy day, participating in a longer retreat experience, or simply committing to 30-second pauses throughout your day—every moment of conscious awareness is radical and significant.

Starting Where You Are

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed by the depth of programming or the work ahead, remember: you are not your fault. The overwhelm you’re feeling? That’s programming too. And it’s information about where you’re starting from, not a judgment about your capacity for change.

Every single pause you take is radical. Thirty seconds is radical. One minute is radical. The key is consistency and community, not perfection.

You are worthy of your own time and attention just as you are. You don’t need to earn the right to pause, to be kind to yourself, or to begin rewiring patterns that no longer serve you.

The hand is extended. The invitation is there. The question is: are you ready to see yourself—and your struggles—differently?

Your programming brought you this far, and it’s served its purpose. Now you get to choose what comes next.

Ready to learn more about the Radical Mom Pause? Discover practical tools and join a community of mothers committed to conscious change at https://www.theschoolofmom.com/pause