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I’m currently over 73,000 words into writing a book.

When I started this journey back in May or June, I didn’t suddenly find myself with endless free hours. I didn’t quit my job, send my kids away, or discover some magical time-management hack. If anything, I had less time than ever before.

So how did I write over 70,000 words?

I wrote in the cracks. Fifteen minutes here. A longer chunk there. Some weeks I wrote nothing at all. And through this process, I’ve learned something that might sting a little to hear: The biggest lie we tell ourselves as mothers is “I don’t have time for that.”

The Time Scarcity Spiral

If you’re a mom, you know this feeling intimately. That crushing sensation that there’s never enough time. That time pressure that makes your chest tight and your to-do list seem impossible.

Before we became mothers, there was simply more time to work with. More spontaneity. More ease in checking off all the things, especially the things for ourselves. Then motherhood arrives, and suddenly time scarcity becomes very real.

But here’s what happens next: Our unconscious programming around how we “should” spend our time takes over. And inevitably, the first thing to go is our own self-care, our own dreams, our own desires.

I had two conversations just today with one-on-one clients where life hit the fan in their families, and they immediately “fell off” their self-care routines. It’s always the first to go, isn’t it?

The Hard Truth About Time

Let me be blunt because someone needs to say this to you today: It’s not that you don’t have time for it. It’s that you’re not making time for it.

I know. I want to slap myself for even saying it. But it’s true.

When I look at my book-writing process, sitting down at my computer was often the last thing I wanted to do. Facing writer’s block, not feeling inspired, struggling to focus—none of it was easy. But this book matters to me. It’s important to me to put this resource, this piece of art, this compilation of personal and professional experience out into the world.

So I made time for it. Not because I had time lying around, but because I decided it was a priority.

But What About…?

Now, you might be thinking: “Okay, cool, but I’m not writing a book. This doesn’t apply to me.”

Here’s what I want you to do: Ask yourself what your version of “the book” is.

What is the thing you keep saying you don’t have time for? What lights you up? What’s that deep desire you keep pushing aside? What do you want your legacy to be?

Then do an honest audit of your time. Look at how you’re actually spending your hours and ask yourself: Is there congruence between what I say matters and where my time goes?

You’ll probably say yes to making time for your kids. Yes to work because you need to pay the bills. Maybe yes to your relationship. But what about that thing that’s calling to you? That project, that dream, that practice that keeps getting pushed to “someday”?

The Silent Retreat Perspective

Let me share something that really puts this in perspective. I’ve been on three silent meditation retreats. They’re a full week long—eight days completely off the grid.

If I don’t have time to write a book, I really don’t have time as a mom to go offline for a week.

I’ve had many conversations with friends who say, “That sounds amazing, but I could never make that work. I just don’t have time for that.” Some even say, “I couldn’t be away from my kids for that long.”

Here’s what I know now: The quality of presence I have with my kids because of that time away is infinitely more impactful than choosing to stay home and be physically present.

Sure, I would be there more if I didn’t go. But the quality and depth of my presence, the capacity of my compassion, my ability to really be with them? Absolutely incomparable.

Making time for that retreat is now a priority. Not because I have time for it, but because I choose to make time for it.

Moving from Belief to Action

So here’s your work: Get curious and compassionate with yourself. Ask yourself honestly:

• Is it true that I don’t have time for this, or am I just not making time for it?
• If I was going to make time for it right now, what would that look like?
• Can I get out of all-or-nothing thinking? Can I do this in short chunks?
• What could I say yes to? What could I say no to?

I’m not talking about extreme situations here. If your dream requires leaving your family for months on end and that’s not aligned with your values right now, that’s valid. But let’s not use extreme examples to feed into time scarcity beliefs that aren’t serving us.

Most of what we’re not making time for doesn’t require massive life overhauls. It requires 15 minutes here, an hour there, and the willingness to say, “This matters enough to rearrange my priorities.”

The Bottom Line

No one is going to hand you extra hours on a golden platter. You have to decide what’s important enough to you to make the time for it. You have to be willing to rearrange priorities and make hard decisions.

The story you’re telling yourself about not having time? Challenge it. Tune into where you feel that scarcity in your body. Mother it with curiosity and compassion. Send it some loving questioning. And then make a choice moving forward.

What story do you want your children to tell about you? That you were always too busy? Or that you showed them what it looks like to honor what matters, even when it’s hard, even when you have to get creative, even when you have to make sacrifices?

You get to write that story. And you write it by the choices you make about your time today.

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