Photo by RDNE Stock project

What if the anger you’ve been trying to suppress is actually your wisest inner guide?

A few years ago, I led the first Primal Mom scream on a football field in Charlestown with a group of moms. And this wasn’t just a little release; it was a full-throated, primal scream that came from the deepest parts of our bodies.

A year later (still in the throes of COVID), we did it again and that second scream became known as the “Primal Mom Scream,” which went viral across the globe. It was written about in multiple languages, picked up by publications worldwide, and sparked conversations about maternal anger from all over the US to countries I’d never been to. But here’s what I’ve learned in the years since: the scream wasn’t revolutionary because it was new. It was revolutionary because it gave permission for something we’ve always known how to do but have been told we shouldn’t.

The Biology Behind the Scream

The reason that scream resonated with millions of mothers worldwide isn’t just social or cultural – it’s deeply biological. When we suppress our anger, when we swallow our rage and force ourselves to “keep it together,” that energy doesn’t just disappear. It has to go somewhere.

As my mentor Jill Miller first explained to me when I was searching for answers around the biology of the scream, when we allow ourselves to go to that full sympathetic charge – that complete expression of anger – there’s nowhere else for our nervous system to go but into a more regulated place. We’re essentially allowing our bodies to complete a natural cycle: feel the emotion, express the emotion, and then move through to whatever comes next.

This is why, after those screams on the field, there were always tears, laughter, and even hugs. Our bodies were doing what they’re designed to do: process emotions fully instead of getting stuck in them.

When Anger Goes Underground

Here’s what happens when we don’t allow this natural process: the energy goes inward. That suppressed anger shows up as digestive issues, sleep disruption, chronic illness, or a nervous system that’s constantly on edge. We’ve been taught that anger is “bad” or “unacceptable,” especially as mothers, but this programming is literally making us sick.

The truth is, emotions are meant to move through us. There’s actually science showing that when we allow ourselves to fully feel an emotion without blocking it, it lasts about 90 seconds. Ninety seconds. But when we suppress it, judge it, or try to think our way out of it, we can stay stuck in that emotional state for hours, days, or even years.

Anger as Information

But here’s where it gets really interesting: anger isn’t just something to release and move through. It’s actually one of your most valuable sources of information.

Unlike anxiety, which often spirals into worst-case scenarios, or shame, which tells us we’re fundamentally flawed, anger is pointing toward something specific and actionable. It’s an arrow directing you toward exactly where boundaries are needed or where change is necessary in your life.

When you find yourself thinking, “I can’t imagine doing another fucking bedtime routine,” or “It makes me so angry that I’m the one who has to handle X, Y, Z every morning” – that’s not you being dramatic or ungrateful. That’s your inner wisdom flagging a dynamic that needs attention.

The Wisdom of Your Cycle

For those of us with menstrual cycles, there’s an additional layer of wisdom here. The luteal phase – that time right before your period when you might feel like what I call “an irritated squirrel” – isn’t PMS to be dismissed or medicated away. It’s actually when your anger and irritation are naturally heightened, making it impossible to ignore what’s not working in your life.

Instead of your partner saying, “Oh, you’re about to get your period, that’s why you’re being like this,” what if we reframed it as: “This is the time of the month when I get laser clarity on what needs to change”?

During other phases of your cycle, it’s easier to override or ignore these signals. But in luteal, they’re amplified for a reason. This is your body’s way of saying: Pay attention. This matters. Don’t let this slide anymore.

From Suppression to Integration

The goal isn’t to walk around angry all the time or to dump our rage on everyone around us. The goal is to develop a healthy relationship with anger that allows us to:

1. Recognize it as valid and healthy instead of something to be ashamed of
2. Listen to what it’s telling us about our boundaries and needs
3. Express it safely when necessary (whether through screaming, physical movement, or other outlets)
4. Use the information to make actual changes in our lives

This is where community becomes crucial. One of the reasons the group scream was so powerful wasn’t just the individual release – it was the collective permission and co-regulation that happened when we were all doing it together. We need each other to normalize these experiences and create safety for authentic expression.

Your Body Will Body

As my friend Emefa Boamah says, “The body will body.” Your body knows what it needs to do to process emotions and maintain health. When you have the impulse to scream into a pillow or feel rage building in your chest, that’s not evidence that something’s wrong with you. That’s evidence that your body is trying to take care of you.

I can’t tell you how many women reached out after that viral moment to say, “Twenty-five years ago, I was screaming into my closet and I thought I was crazy.” But they weren’t crazy – they were listening to their body’s wisdom.

The Next Step

So the next time you feel that familiar surge of anger – whether it’s about household responsibilities, relationship dynamics, or just the general overwhelm of modern motherhood – I invite you to pause and ask: “What information do you have for me?”

Don’t judge it. Don’t suppress it. Don’t try to think your way out of it. Just listen.

Because that anger? It’s not your enemy. It’s pointing you toward your freedom.

Ready to explore how to work with your body’s wisdom instead of against it? Join our community of moms who are learning to trust their inner guidance and create lasting change from the inside out.