When my children’s school announced they would be teaching about “safe touch,” I was thrilled. I’m here for all the conversations about body parts and safety. But when I asked what terminology they’d be using, the response gave me pause: “For girls, it’s a vagina and boys, it’s penis.”

That’s when I realized we had a problem—one that affects millions of women and girls worldwide.

The Anatomy Mistake Nearly Everyone Makes

I didn’t learn the correct names for my own body parts until I was in my 40s. And now I know that I’m very much not alone. In a recent conversation with pelvic floor therapist Dr. Alexandra Digrado, we acknowledged that this anatomical confusion affects women across all backgrounds, education levels, and ages.

The truth is actually quite simple so it’s maddening we’re getting it wrong: the vulva is the outside, the vagina is the inside.

When we tell children “no one can touch your vagina,” we’re actually referring to an internal part. What we can see—and what inappropriate touching would involve—is the vulva. This includes the labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, and urethral opening.

Why This Distinction Could Save Lives

Using correct anatomical terms isn’t just about being technically accurate—it’s about safety. When children know the proper names for their body parts, they can accurately describe what happened if abuse occurs. This precision can be crucial in legal situations and helps adults understand exactly what a child is trying to communicate.

Dr. Digrado, who has spent 15 years as a pelvic health specialist, explains: “When kids know what their anatomical parts are called, then they can accurately describe what we hope never happens to them, but if it did, then they could say accurately what was happening.”

The Shame That Starts Early

My own journey to anatomical literacy began with shame and confusion. Like many women, I received a box of tampons and a “good luck” when I got my first period. I remember sitting in the bathroom, crying, trying to figure out where things went. Alex shared that she even left the entire applicator inside. No one had ever explained that we have three separate openings, or given any instructions on how to navigate them.

This lack of education followed me into adulthood, affecting my relationship with my body, my sexual health, and eventually my experience as a mother. After an episiotomy with my first child, I was too afraid to even look at my own body to assess healing.

The shame runs so deep that many women feel uncomfortable even hearing the word “vulva.” But here’s what’s fascinating: we have countless slang terms for penis—many of them celebratory or empowering—while terms for female anatomy are often derogatory or infantilizing.

The Medical Field Has Failed Us Too

Even more shocking? Dr. Digrado reveals that during her doctorate program in physical therapy 15 years ago, they received less than half a day of education about the pelvic floor—despite these muscles being crucial to core stability, bladder function, bowel control, and sexual health.

“There’s a whole group of muscles inside the pelvic floor that are very pertinent to the entire body,” she explains. “It’s a hub… relevant to the core, relevant to the hips, relevant to the buttocks. Your legs attach to your pelvis and we basically just skip this hammock of three layers of muscles.”

Reclaiming Pleasure as Our Birthright

Perhaps most revolutionary is understanding that women have one body part with a single purpose: pleasure. The clitoris exists solely for our enjoyment, making pleasure literally our birthright. Yet most of us grow up disconnected from this fundamental truth about our bodies.

As author Mama Gena says in “Pussy: A Reclamation,” we need to reclaim our anatomy and find terms that are empowering rather than shameful. This isn’t about being vulgar—it’s about being accurate and celebrating rather than hiding our bodies.

Making the Conversation Age-Appropriate

The beauty of correct anatomical terms is their simplicity. Just as we easily teach children about their elbow or their nose, we can teach them about their vulva. Dr. Digrado suggests starting simply: “Wash your vulva, but don’t put soap inside. Keep soap on the outside.”

You don’t need to explain every anatomical detail to a three-year-old. But using the correct term from the beginning normalizes these body parts and removes the mystery and shame that often surrounds them.

Navigating Pushback

When I emailed my children’s school about using “vulva” instead of “vagina,” I faced some resistance—including from my own husband, who worried I was being a “Karen.” This reaction highlights how uncomfortable our society remains with female anatomy, even when we’re simply advocating for accuracy.

But here’s the thing: advocating for our daughters to know their bodies correctly isn’t being difficult—it’s being responsible. We wouldn’t accept our sons learning incorrect names for their anatomy, so why do we accept it for our daughters?

The Ripple Effect

When we teach correct anatomy, we’re doing more than sharing vocabulary. We’re:

• Breaking generational cycles of shame
• Empowering our daughters with body knowledge
• Potentially preventing abuse through clear communication
• Normalizing women’s bodies as worthy of accurate, respectful language
• Teaching that pleasure and joy are natural parts of being human

Starting the Conversation

If this information feels overwhelming, start small. Do a quick Google image search for “vulva anatomy.” Read “Pussy: A Reclamation” by Mama Gena. Most importantly, begin using correct terms with your children, no matter how young they are.

Remember: a body is a body. We’ve simply been taught that some parts are more shameful than others. It’s time to change that narrative, one conversation at a time.

Our daughters deserve to know their bodies accurately, completely, and without shame. It starts with us saying the word: vulva.

For more resources on pelvic health, anatomy education, and breaking cycles of shame around women’s bodies, visit https://www.bostonpelvicpt.com/ or connect with a pelvic floor therapist in your area.