Navigating Mother’s Day Emotions: A Guide to Honoring Your Authentic Experience

As Mother’s Day approaches, a complex symphony of emotions begins to play for many of us. For some, it’s a joyful celebration; for others, a day weighted with grief, disappointment, or complicated feelings. As both a mental health therapist and a mother navigating my own complex relationship with motherhood, I want to offer you this truth: however you feel about Mother’s Day is valid.

The Reality Behind the Greeting Cards

The commercialized version of Mother’s Day—with its perfect brunches, handmade cards, and beaming families—represents just one narrow slice of the motherhood experience. The reality is far more nuanced. In my years of working with mothers, I’ve seen how this day can bring up everything from deep gratitude to profound grief, sometimes simultaneously.

My own relationship with Mother’s Day has evolved over time. As someone with a strained relationship with my mother, I experience moments of jealousy when I see others celebrating with their supportive moms. As a mother myself, I sometimes feel disappointed when my expectations for the day don’t align with reality.

What I’ve learned is that Mother’s Day can be both meaningful and manageable when we approach it with mindfulness and self-compassion.

Tuning Into Your Body’s Wisdom

One of the most powerful practices I’ve developed is listening to my body’s response to Mother’s Day. I invite you to try this: Close your eyes and simply notice what happens in your body when you think about the upcoming celebration. Do you feel expansion and lightness? Contraction and heaviness? Perhaps it’s a mix of both.

This physical awareness provides valuable information about what you truly need—not what commercials, social media, or even family traditions dictate you should want.

Dreaming Into Your Desires

If you could design your ideal Mother’s Day from scratch, what would it include? This isn’t about what a “good mom” should want. It’s about what genuinely nourishes YOU.

For me, the perfect Mother’s Day involves a long, uninterrupted walk in nature—two hours of solitude where I don’t have to rush back for a handoff or attend to anyone else’s needs. For you, it might be breakfast in bed, a day with your children, or complete solitude at a spa. There’s no right answer except the one that resonates in your body.

The Courage to Ask for What You Need

Once you’ve identified what would make Mother’s Day fulfilling for you, the next step requires courage: asking for it. Start small with one or two specific requests:

• “I’d love if you could handle breakfast and bedtime routines so I can sleep in and have some evening time to myself.”
• “Having fresh flowers would mean a lot to me—could you help the kids pick some out?”
• “What I’d really love is two hours alone to take a walk without having to watch the clock.”

Important note: The response you receive to these requests has nothing to do with the validity of your desires. If your partner or family members seem put out or reluctant, that’s about their programming—not about whether your needs matter.

For the “Apples” Among Us

In our School of MOM community, we have a special term for those with strained or non-existent relationships with their mothers—we call ourselves “apples.” If you’re part of this group, know that your grief, anger, or complicated feelings around Mother’s Day are completely valid.

As a fellow “apple,” I understand how isolating it can feel to navigate a celebration that assumes everyone has a loving, present mother. Your experience matters, even if it doesn’t fit neatly into a greeting card.

The Path Forward

Whatever your relationship with Mother’s Day, here are some gentle practices that might help:

1. Honor all your feelings without judgment. Joy, grief, resentment, gratitude—all can coexist.
2. Reflect on past celebrations to identify what worked and what didn’t.
3. Make specific requests that align with your true desires.
4. Create new traditions that honor your actual experience, not the idealized version.
5. Connect with others who understand your unique motherhood journey.

As we celebrate the 5th anniversary of The School of MOM (launched on Mother’s Day 2020), I’m reminded of how powerful it is when we give ourselves permission to mother ourselves mindfully—honoring our needs, setting healthy boundaries, and creating celebrations that truly nourish us.

May this Mother’s Day bring you moments of authentic connection, whether with yourself, your children, or your community. And remember, whatever you feel is exactly what you should be feeling. You are seen, you are worthy, and you are the perfect mother for your children.