The Balancing Act: Are We Working Too Much?

In the midst of our busy lives as parents, there’s a question that often lurks beneath the surface of our daily routines: “Am I working too much?” Whether it’s the hours spent at your job or the never-ending work of parenthood itself, finding balance can feel like an impossible task.

In this week’s episode of the Mothering Ourselves Mindfully podcast, I sat down with Shinichi Daimyo, a psychiatric nurse practitioner and psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience working in mental health across the globe. Our conversation took us deep into the heart of what it means to align our work lives with our authentic values.

Working Defined: Beyond the Paycheck

One of the first clarifications Shin and I made was that “working too much” isn’t just about paid employment. For stay-at-home parents, the question becomes, “Am I parenting too much?” The work of raising children is arguably some of the hardest work that exists, and it deserves to be acknowledged as such.

Whether you’re pulling up your phone during your child’s sports game to answer work emails, or feeling like you never get a break from the demands of parenting, the question of balance affects us all.

When Values and Priorities Misalign

According to Shin, we’re working too much when “our values and our priorities start to become really misaligned.” This misalignment is at the heart of so much of our struggle.

But what exactly are our values? As Shin points out, many of us haven’t taken the time to get clear on what truly matters to us. Instead, we’re often operating from the values that have been programmed into us – by our families, society, or the matrix of expectations that surrounds us.

“We forget about us,” Shin emphasized. “So much of this is really not us.”

The Body Knows

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation came when I shared a story about a client who was torn between staying in her career or becoming a stay-at-home mom. After months of internal debate and analysis, we finally turned to her body’s wisdom that provided clarity.

When we can’t intellectually solve a problem, our bodies often know the way. As Shin beautifully explained, our bodies signal to us through tension, spontaneous tears, or even just a deep, relieving breath when we’ve reached a truth.

“Our bodies know what they need,” Shin said. “They’ve always sort of known what they need.”

The Power of Love as a Compass

Perhaps the most profound question Shin poses to his patients is: “Who loves you the most in this world?”

This deceptively simple question cuts through the noise of shoulds and expectations. When we consider what the person who truly loves us would want for us – or better yet, when we recognize that perhaps that person is ourselves – we gain a powerful compass for decision-making.

For many of us, our worthiness has been wrapped up in productivity and achievement since childhood. We received praise and love when we did well, creating a pattern where success and lovability became intertwined.

Breaking free from this conditioning requires us to redefine love – not as something we earn through achievement but as something we inherently deserve.

Small Steps Toward Alignment

Changing our relationship with work doesn’t have to be a dramatic upheaval. Shin advocates for small, daily shifts:

“It’s about little habits and change every single day. And I’m talking like weeny, teeny tiny ones.”

These might include:

• Protecting five minutes of yoga in your day
• Being fully present at dinner with your children
• Choosing a collaborative role over a managerial one if that better suits your values

Each small shift brings us closer to a life that feels aligned with who we truly are.

There’s No “Right” Answer

Throughout our conversation, Shin emphasized that there’s no universal right answer to the work-life balance question. What matters is honesty with ourselves about our values and acceptance of the consequences of our choices.

Some parents thrive in high-powered careers while maintaining beautiful connections with their children. Others find their values align more with stepping back from career advancement to be more present at home. Neither choice is inherently better – what matters is that the choice feels authentic to you.

An Invitation to Reflect

As you consider whether you’re working too much, I invite you to sit with these questions:

• What truly makes you feel good?
• Who loves you most in this world, and what would they want for you?
• What feels aligned in your body when you consider different paths?
• What small shifts could bring your daily life closer to your authentic values?

Remember, as Shin so wisely put it, you just need to figure out what’s right for you right now. That may change in the future, and that’s completely okay.

The journey to alignment is ongoing, but each step brings us closer to the life we truly want – not the one we’ve been programmed to pursue.