Breaking Generational Patterns: Who Is the Inner Work Really For?

The question of who benefits from our inner healing work has been on my mind lately, especially after seeing some spicy comments on a post about generational healing. There’s often pushback against the idea that one person should bear the “burden” of healing an entire lineage. And it got me thinking – who is this work really for? And… does it actually matter?

A Pivotal Ancestor Connection

A few years ago, I participated in an ancestor session with a spiritual guide. Before this experience, I was equal parts cynical and open-minded about such practices. But this session shifted something profound in me.

I connected with a female ancestor (who may have been called Flora – interestingly close to my program name “FLOURISH”). What struck me most was how clearly she communicated the bigger picture of generational patterns and healing.

She showed me that it only takes one woman in a lineage to experience trauma, mental health struggles, or adversity without proper support to influence entire generations with unhelpful patterns. These patterns might manifest as anxiety, people-pleasing, denial, or addiction.

But the reverse is equally true – it only takes one woman to redirect a lineage toward health, consciousness, and compassion. We are each drops in the bucket of our lineage, yet we have profound power to impact not just ourselves but everyone around us.

Beyond Guilt and Obligation

This is where I diverge from the critics. When we approach healing work from a place of guilt, obligation, or burden, we’re actually reinforcing unhelpful patterns. The energy behind why we do this work matters more than who we’re doing it for.

Many women in my community are initially motivated to heal for their children’s sake. Others feel a responsibility to their lineage. Both are valid starting points. What matters is that we don’t make a decision from an unhealthy guilt/shame place.

If your motivation feels heavy with guilt and/or shame (“I guess I need to do this because my mom didn’t”), give yourself permission to say “Not now.” Healing work approached from deep contraction won’t serve you or anyone else.

But if there’s a healthy discomfort that motivates action – a recognition that you have access and resources your ancestors didn’t – let that drive you forward. Once you begin, the work itself helps you move out of shame states into something more expansive.

Multiple Motivations Are Welcome

We don’t need to choose just one reason for doing this work. My husband often asks me, “Is it because it’s for you or because it’s for the kids?” As a therapist and human who lives in the world of gray rather than black and white, I know we can hold multiple truths.

You can do this work for yourself AND your children AND your lineage. It’s an upward spiral that impacts everyone involved.

Thawing Frozen Patterns

My ancestor spoke about how our generation has a unique opportunity to “thaw and warm” frozen patterns in our lineage. This resonated deeply with me, as my relationship with my mother wasn’t particularly warm. There may have been love, but I don’t have many memories of feeling loved in my body.

This healing work allows us to bring warmth to our family lineages, beginning with ourselves. There’s a certain pride in knowing we get to do this – that we are conscious enough, able enough, and willing enough to say yes to transformation.

Embracing the “Woo-Woo”

I used to casually label experiences like ancestor connections as “woo-woo.” But I’ve come to recognize that this term diminishes sacred feminine intuition, body wisdom, and spirituality.

The experiences I once labeled as “woo-woo” have consistently been the moments when I felt most connected to my intuition, my truth, my body, my ancestors, and a sense of greater purpose. So I’m speaking more openly about these experiences because they’ve been profoundly helpful in my own journey.

Many women in my community are quietly exploring tarot cards, connecting with their intuition, or seeking wisdom beyond the purely physical realm. They’re craving deeper meaning and connection.

Regardless of skepticism, I always ask: Was it helpful? Did it course-correct me? Did it heal something? Did it offer new perspectives? For me, the answer has consistently been a resounding “yes.”

The Journey Forward

This is why I created The School of MOM and recently announced The Mother Matrix series. These offerings provide space for the deeper conversations we’re craving – reflection, meaning-making, and purpose-illuminating dialogue that nourishes our souls.

The women in my community consistently tell me how these conversations – happening on random Tuesday calls between the mundane tasks of motherhood – fill them up and reconnect them to something larger than themselves.

So who is this work for? It’s for you. It’s for your children. It’s for your ancestors and descendants. But most importantly, it’s for creating a life where you can thrive rather than merely survive. And that ripple effect changes everything.