Resistance to Acceptance: Managing Winter’s Challenges as a Mom

Let’s talk about resistance – that frustrating feeling that bubbles up when life throws us curveballs, especially during these challenging winter months. As I record this, it’s February in New England, and every mom I talk to is dealing with some combination of sick kids, snow days, and the general chaos (and darkness) that can come with winter parenting.

Recently, a mom in our community asked a question that really resonated: “How do we handle resistance when we’re facing yet another snow day?” It’s a perfect example of the struggles we face as mothers, trying to balance our plans and needs with the unpredictable nature of family life.

Understanding Resistance and Suffering

In mindfulness teachings, there’s something called the Four Noble Truths that helps us understand suffering. The first truth acknowledges that suffering is part of being human – we get sick, plans change, we experience loss, and disappointments happen. That’s natural suffering. But there’s another layer of suffering that’s actually optional, and it comes from our resistance to what’s happening.

Think of it like this: when your child is sick, that’s the first arrow – it’s the initial challenge or pain. The second arrow is our reaction to it – the frustration, the anxiety about missed work, the stress about rearranging plans. This second arrow is where we often create additional suffering through our resistance.

Moving Through Resistance

So what do we do with this resistance? First, we need to acknowledge it. This might sound counterintuitive, but trying to ignore or push away resistance often makes it stronger. Instead, we can say, “Yes, I’m feeling resistant right now. This is hard.”

Rather than forcing ourselves to jump straight to acceptance (which can feel impossible when you’re staring down yet another day with a kid home sick), we can use the bridge of allowing. This means giving ourselves permission to feel frustrated, disappointed, or overwhelmed while also recognizing that this is our current reality.

Practical Steps for Working with Resistance

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Start by simply naming (or screaming!) what you’re feeling. “I’m frustrated about this snow day. I had important plans, and this feels so unfair.”
2. Turn Toward the Discomfort Just like turning into a skid when driving on ice, we need to turn toward our resistance rather than away from it. Ask yourself: What’s underneath this resistance? Often, you’ll find anxiety, sadness, or fear.
3. Meet Yourself with Compassion Your feelings are valid. Skip the “at least” statements (“at least you have healthy kids”) and simply witness your experience with kindness.
4. Listen to Your Needs Ask yourself what you need in this moment. Sometimes it’s as simple as being heard. Other times, you might need to move your body, scream into a pillow, or find a moment of quiet.

Finding the Unexpected Gifts

Here’s something I’ve noticed after years of working with resistance: often, the days I resist the most end up surprising me. That snow day I dreaded might contain a precious two-minute connection with my child that wouldn’t have happened otherwise. This doesn’t mean we need to force gratitude or positivity but rather stay open to the possibility that something meaningful can emerge from challenging situations.

Moving Forward

The goal isn’t to eliminate resistance – that’s not realistic or even helpful. Instead, we can learn to work with it more skillfully. When we acknowledge our resistance and meet it with compassion, we often find it begins to soften on its own. From there, we can more easily connect with our values and choose how we want to show up in difficult moments.

Remember, you’re not alone in feeling resistance to winter’s challenges. Every mom I know is navigating similar waters. The key is learning to turn toward our resistance with kindness and curiosity, allowing ourselves to feel what we feel while staying open to the possibility that even our most challenging days might hold unexpected moments of connection and joy.