The Most Powerful Parenting Tool Isn’t What You Think

Recently, I had the privilege of attending the Mass Women’s Conference, where 11,000 women gathered to hear from incredible speakers, including Oprah Winfrey. But surprisingly, the most profound parenting insight didn’t come from Oprah – it came from 22-year-old basketball phenomenon Caitlin Clark.

When asked about her mother’s influence, Clark shared something that stopped me in my tracks: “It wasn’t anything that my mom said, it was just how she was.”

This simple observation perfectly captures what I’ve been teaching at The School of MOM for years. We’ve all heard the saying, “People don’t remember what you said, but they remember how you made them feel.” When it comes to parenting, this truth runs even deeper.

The Science Behind the Statement

Here’s what fascinates me about Clark’s observation: it’s backed by neuroscience. Our children’s nervous systems are constantly attuning to our internal state. When we’re in a state of inner criticism, anxiety, or franticness, we’re not just feeling these emotions – we’re broadcasting them. Our children pick up on this frequency, not through our words, but through our embodied state

This is co-regulation in action. Your nervous system state directly impacts your child’s nervous system state.

The Real Game-Changer

Here’s where this understanding becomes transformative: it means that the most important parenting work isn’t about:

• Finding the perfect “peaceful parenting” script
• Memorizing the right responses to tantrums
• Reading another parenting book

Instead, it’s about:

• Tending to your own nervous system
• Cultivating your own emotional wellbeing
• Learning to regulate your own state

When we focus on these elements, we naturally become the parents we want to be, not through forced scripts or techniques but through authentic embodiment.

A New Perspective on Self-Care

This realization completely reframes how we think about self-care and maternal well-being. That walk in the woods you’ve been putting off? That yoga class you feel guilty about attending? These aren’t indulgences – they’re essential parenting tools. They’re not nice to haves!

When you regulate your nervous system and cultivate states of groundedness, creativity, and presence, you’re not just taking care of yourself – you’re creating the emotional environment in which your children will grow.

The Path Forward

I often find that mothers come to The School of MOM wanting to be different from their own parents or seeking to be more conscious and intentional in their parenting. While this is a beautiful motivation, the path to achieving this isn’t through more information or better techniques – it’s through embodied transformation.

Think about it this way: your children constantly learn how to be human by watching how you do it. They’re not learning from what you tell them about managing emotions; they’re learning from how you manage your own.

Your Invitation

If this perspective feels heavy, I invite you to see it as liberating instead. It means that:

• Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential parenting work
• Your wellbeing isn’t separate from good parenting – it’s the foundation of it
• You don’t need more techniques – you need more support in being well

Whether your motivation is self-care or being a better parent doesn’t matter – what matters is that you begin. Because when you learn to mother yourself mindfully, everyone benefits. You become the model of emotional well-being that your children will naturally absorb and emulate.

Remember, just like Caitlin Clark’s mother, your lasting impact won’t be in the words you say but in the way you are. And that way of BEING is something you can cultivate, with the right support and tools.

Ready to begin this journey? Explore our FLOURISH program, where we help mothers develop the tools for nervous system regulation, self-compassion, and embodied presence – creating lasting positive impact for themselves and their children.