A common topic that comes up with my clients and mom friends is our relationships to our bodies. ESPECIALLY as we come into summer and the baggy layers are swapped out for tank tops and shorts.

​Usually, this topic comes up when someone shares some variation of, “I hate my body right now.” And hearing this makes me both unbelievably sad and full of rage. Thanks diet culture and systemic oppression of women that ties value to how little space they take up—physically and emotionally! 

Where I’m Coming From

A few years ago I wouldn’t have been prepared to share on this topic because I still had healing to do. I still had a lot of criticism, hate, and resistance around my own body.

I have a history of punishing my body through exercise, food, alcohol, and hateful self-talk. Chances are you’ve caught yourself talking to yourself/your body in a way you would NEVER EVER talk to a friend, let alone a stranger.

​But after a 41-year journey of getting to know and befriend this body that I’m in and getting a WHOLE LOT OF SUPPORT in navigating my relationship with it, I can truthfully say I love my body. I am in awe of it. I see it as my biggest ally and teacher.

And as I say that, check in with yourself to see what reactions you have in your mind and body.

​Do you find yourself….

rolling your eyes?

tearing up?

feeling jealous, critical, annoyed, angry?

feeling hopeful? wanting to stop reading?

eager to read more?

​Your reaction to me loving my body has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME, and everything to do with your relationship with your body.

​Take that in for a moment.

Your reaction to my relationship with my body holds some wisdom for your relationship with your body.

And since your reaction is going to be different than everyone else’s, I can’t speak directly to what might help you shift and heal your relationship from one of disgust, resistance, and hate to love, acceptance, and gratitude.

I can offer you a few prompts for your journal, trusted friend, or therapist as you journey to healing your most important relationship…the one with yourself and your body. 

Actionable Practices To Heal Your Relationship with Your Body

Pause & Reflect

​What is your current relationship with your body?

What is your current relationship with food?

What do you WANT your current relationship with your body to be?

What do you WANT your current relationship with food to be?

Understand

Where did this come from?

​How did your relationship with your body evolve?

How was your body trying to protect you?

Family modeling, society, attachment?

Tangible Actions

Start with moving from hate/criticism to neutrality and choose intentional thoughts.

Instead of “I hate my belly.” → “I have a belly.”

From there, you may move to appreciating, then liking, and finally loving. 

“I appreciate my belly because ____.” → “I like that my belly can do _____.” → “I love my belly.”

​

Zoom Out For The Big Picture

What is my body for?

Why do I have a body? 

Non-Self

This is a psychology and mindfulness practice that acknowledges that your true self is not your body. Your body is just a host, and it’s always changing/adapting/evolving.

Try writing or thinking lines like:

​”I am not my body, but my body is important.”

“It’s important to me. And I’m a partner with it, but it’s not who I am. It’s not my identity.”

​

You Become What You Consume

We take care of the things we love, so, behave your way into believing differently.

Consider what you’re putting IN your body, and what you’re putting ON and around your body. (This includes media too!) 

What are you consuming with your eye and ears? 

Can you be intentional about it?

 Can you move AND rest in ways that honor what your body needs in the moment?

​When we consume with care, we send the message to our body that we care for it. Note: There are NO wrong answers here. What’s right for someone else and their body may not be right for you and yours and vice versa.

​

Less Judgment Please

Notice judgments and comparisons to others.

Ask yourself, “Is this helpful?”

A common trap is comparing your body to someone else’s. 

And here’s what you should know; the people who appear to have the most “/flawless” bodies often share the same self-criticism that you do. I know, because I’ve worked with LOTS of these people in my clinical practice! Loving your body is an inside job. It has nothing to do with what you look like from the outside.

Conclusion

The reality is that we often don’t appreciate something until it’s not working properly. You never think about how amazing your hand is until you have a hand injury. 

Or you could give 2 shits about your second toe, until you break it. Then you realize how grateful you are for a healthy second toe! 

Make a regular practice of acknowledging and appreciating your body for all that it does for you today—without you even needing to think about it! Thanks internal organs that keep doing their thing, even while I’m sleeping! 🤩

Just like working on any relationship takes consistent tending and effort, your relationship with your body does, too.

I can confidently say that I truly love my body.AND I work at this love daily.

I can also confidently say that your relationship with your body is THE most important relationship there is because at the end of the day, it’s just you and your body. It always has been, and it always will be (until you die of course). So you might as well make the decision to make it a relationship you feel good about.